Rapuh

i used to write the title of my post with english and then, write the contents with indonesian languages.. for some reason.. at this moment, i want to change it..

it's kinda creepy to read my english.. because its really horrible..
but i feel that i have to learn this activities.. since i want to improve my skill in englsh. imagined, i have known english for like.. 12 years.. and my skill in english is still so-so. i still can't speak beautifully..or lets say clearly and confidently..i still use sederet.com to translate some of vocabularies.. i still hard to understand fast when i read the textbooks in english.. for me.. it's really sad.

how can i learn other language that i just know for a year, or months..?

okay, lets cut it out. in fact that's not what i want trying to write now..

this is about my self.. my feeling.. for right now..
i feel fragile. i feel weak. this phase supposed to be fun.. i should handle this with calm emotion and a high determination to finish what i've been started before..
but for me, now.. its getting harder and harder..
even to breath..

why am i feeling this? why can't i be calm? why am i always feel afraid..?
right now, i just need some miracle from GOD..
my DEAR GOD..

i really want to skip this part of my life.. but i know thats impossible.. ughh..
i hope one day i can smile with all my heart.. i hope i can tell to my mom.. that i've been finishing one mission of my life..

still remember the quotes of paulo coelho that i read in sam's blog..
the darkest moment of the earth is just before the sunrise.
i wish, right now is my darkest moment.. so that i can finally see sunrise in my life as soon as possible.
amiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin....