Disaster in The Last Minute

I really shocked. Sangat shocked.
waktu dosen pembimbing bilang aku harus ganti objek penelitian. yaa TUHAN.. di saat seperti ini. disaat pengumpulan draft tinggal sebulan lagi. aku disuruh ganti objek. aku nangis. nangis sekuat2nya ngebayangin muka mama.. muka almarhum papa. muka adek2ku. aku merasa berdosa. aku merasa bodoh. aku merasa gagal. kenapa harus sekarang. kenapa ini bisa terjadi. kenapa alam tidak membantuku. kemudian, aku merasa dunia ini kejam sekali.. hidup ini ga pernah GAK berat buatku. semua langkah selalu ada aja cobaannya. aku iri sama orang orang yang seolah bisa melewati itu semua dengan hati riang dan tidak menghadapi kesulitan yang super ngaco kayak gini.

bikin TA emang menguji mentalku teramat sangat. dari awal aku ngerjain TA. aku selalu berlinang air mata. kenapa aku jadi kayak gini? kenapa harus aku yang ngerasa kayak gini..

dan saat ini, saat aku membaca email dari sahabatku.. prilla..
aku merasa sedikit lebih positif.. ibaratnya tadinya auraku hitam pekat.. sekarang agak abu-abulah.. dan inilah isi email itu..


When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.


emang sulit banget dilakukan.. aku gak mau ganti objek. perijinannya, pendektannya, pemahaman sistem eksistingnya. semua akan banyak makan waktu. tapi aku juga ga mau ngelawan dosenku.. Jadi Ya Tuhanku yang Maha mengabulkan doa..
aku mohon padaMu. dari hati terdalamku. demi mamaku, demi almarhum ayahku. demi adik2ku. aku hanya ingin membantu mama... Tolong bukakanlah hati dosenku.. Tolong buat dia agar mengijinkanku tidak mengganti objekku.

the worst has come to me, and i could not quit. but please God, help me to do this.
Only to You my Dear Lord i beg and pray.
Aamiin.